this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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