I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
