The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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