I hope mine doesn't look like that
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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