We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
