I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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