I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
