Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
