My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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