Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
