he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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