I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
