my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
