His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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