Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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