last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
