How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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