WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
