ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
