Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
