the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
