guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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