i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
