She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
