the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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