Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
