At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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