Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.