Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.