Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's blow job season.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.