someone get that fucking seahorse.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
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............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."