escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
