we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
