Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
