She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You have to summon your inner elephant
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
