I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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