so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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