I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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