I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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