Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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