So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
