i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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