The maid of honor just puked.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
