Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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