Your tits are I can't wait for
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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