do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
