Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
