Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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