Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ugly people sure do ruin things
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
