Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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