How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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