life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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