I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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