In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
