just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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