well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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