Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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