i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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