I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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