what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
