Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
