Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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