If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
