First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
